Win the inner game

roar! tame the bully Nov 06, 2019

Sometimes it has to get worse to get better, ever heard that?

That poxy cold that is hanging around or the flu you just can't shake. The challenging situation you are encountering. When faced with health issues, we ask for help from a professional, but when it comes to facing an issue with mindset or feeling paralysed by fear, not taking action because of self-doubt, overcoming our limiting beliefs, we somehow expect ourselves to figure it all out on our own.

When I hit, what can only be described as a very low point in my life I knew that something had to change and fast. When the life I had been building, the career I had invested my time and effort in, was all starting to look different, I knew that taking massive action was the only way I was going to start to rebuild my dreams. I just had no idea what that looked like or where to start.

It sounds so dramatic describing my situation, now that I can look back. Had I not trusted in my ability to figure things out and asked for...

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Live your best life .. despite the judge

roar! tame the bully Oct 31, 2019

Sitting at my laptop, I found myself dithering .. it was a Tuesday, half term, the boys were busy playing games, the house was quiet, apart from Stella who was lying at my feet snoring her head off. 

I had so much to get through that day and yet despite knowing what to do, all my training and commitment to productivity, to high performance, I just couldn't focus and get anything done .. 

I decided to take myself to the gym thinking that my HIIT workout would do the trick.

That will get the blood pumping and I'll feel better and be able to concentrate, I told myself.

I'd been working out for 30 minutes and the phone buzzed away at me .. I'm not going to answer that, this is my time, time for exercise, not calls. It buzzed again, this time I took a peek at the caller - OMG its the office - am I supposed to be - Oh no! the penny drops, a conference call, I should be signing in - oh no - I can't do it now...

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The ultimate game of hide & seek ..

roar! tame the bully Oct 23, 2019

Finding your purpose in life can feel like you are playing a game of hide and seek.

You know the feeling I'm sure. Many of us don't know what our purpose is until we experience a moment in time that inspires us to take action. It's easy to think that the dream you have is impractical or impossible .. its human nature to seek out the easy path or to invent obstacles that prevent us from moving forward with our goals. We've all been there!

When I think back to my dream to be a successful career woman as a little girl it makes me smile because I remember how excited I felt at the prospect and I now know how long and winding the path has been to get there. 

We learn to play the game .. hide, watch, listen, don't breathe or you'll be found ..  oh the racing heartbeat, the hours of fun and the squeals of exhilaration when finding someone. I still smile thinking back to all those happy times growing up.

After qualifying as a CA and starting work, I very soon...

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When in Rome .. behave like the Romans

roar! tame the bully Oct 15, 2019

When you're in a tough situation, feeling stuck and unsure or unclear about the outcome you want to create, it's like climbing the steepest rock face with no ropes ..

Not able to see beyond your immediate reality, not knowing if the tiny shelf you are reaching for will hold or if you will miss it altogether, if the ledge you are standing on will hold your body or if you would survive if you slip and fall. 

In fact, taking action was the last thing on my mind when I was in survival mode. When every day felt like a battle I had to fight. Every meeting draining the life out of me and each interaction demanding the very last ounce of positive energy. 

It's no wonder when I got home all I wanted was stress relief and to crash. 

I couldn't wait to get home, to my safe haven with my hubby and boys. The person that came home to them every day looked very different to what I do today in body, attitude and energy.

Getting honest clear help in a difficult situation was...

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roar! tame the bully Oct 09, 2019

Ever tried eating pancakes without maple syrup and lemon, or peanut butter toast without honey or jam .. Ha - 'yes, I do it all the time Marilise!' .. ok .. now I know these things belong together in my world and I'm sure you have a few non negotiable combinations for things you love to eat .. what about gin without tonic and grapefruit, or steak without chips and salad, or spaghetti without the bolognese. You get my point, right? 

For something to 'work' it needs to be combined with other elements to make it what it is. Together the flavours make the dish what it is!

This is no different in life, there is a relationship between certain elements that combine to create something .. nourishing or toxic. The scenario I want to talk about is what I call the toxic trio, found alive and well in our environments.

With all three in place feeding off each other, they create a perfect breeding ground for...

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The short fuse ..

roar! tame the bully Oct 02, 2019

I got to the point where I had simply had enough, my nerves were frayed, I was on a very short fuse, I was emotional, angry and frustrated. I couldn't see a way out of the never-ending spiral of negative energy.

I felt alone .. 

I knew that I had to take control of my path and say, NO MORE!

Putting up with the bully in the workplace is something many of us expect to do. To learn to tolerate it. For many of us, it is the culture we work in that lets us down as it appears to be 'the way we do things around here' in so many businesses.

As we climb the ranks, eager to prove we can do it, we ALLOW bad and unacceptable behaviour and when we see it, turn a blind eye to it. 

This is the journey I have travelled .. 

My situation got to the stage where I chose to walk away and change my life .. my day to day interaction with a bully, operating in a toxic culture left me feeling like everything was out of control.

Looking back its no wonder I had moments where I...

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Today, I'm 'Guilty as Charged' .. tomorrow, will be a different story

roar! tame the bully Sep 12, 2019
I was sitting at the table writing the last few pages of my book, my parents were visiting from South Africa and we had gone away as a family for a week in the summer holidays. The house was quiet, it was warm and light and it occurred to me as I finished the last sentence that I had just walked one of the most difficult paths of my life. I had written about topics really close to my heart, many of which were difficult to comprehend let alone share. It was in that moment that I felt overwhelmed as I realised how grateful I am for all the tears, the sleepless nights, the heated discussions, the coaching, all the time it's taken to produce it. 
So as I submitted the draft with pride, relief and the realisation that I literally am bricking it and yes hands up I am  GUILTY AS CHARGED   petrified of being JUDGED and REJECTED. Gulp ..
As a result of this, I haven't until today wanted to share but this morning I was reminded...
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When the project manager says .. You're Fired !! .. what goes through your mind?

When the senior managers in the meeting didn't even bat an eyelid when the project manager looked at my colleague, who had just raised a valid point, and said those words. 


Well, my heart nearly stopped, I couldn't believe what I was hearing!

Those words ... rang in my ears ... a big ben style bell was going off in my head.

Surely I had misheard ... was it a bad joke about the latest episode of the Apprentice?

I had to bite my tongue as the room seemed immune to this statement, some people were amused by it, others just ignored it and I couldn't help but feel like my colleague was being thrown to the wolves!  

Being in a room with people who just seemed to accept this as normal was something I wasn't comfortable with, I had never experienced it, I really didn't think it was appropriate. Perhaps it was a tactic used to remind everyone that he was the 'big boss' and it was...

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Tempted to hide but hey, this time I may be surprised ... my moment of Deja Vu

Oh my ... a moment of Deja Vu ...

I had just been called into another meeting to discuss our progress, I knew my integrity would be questioned again. I was doing my best to remain calm and professional but all I wanted to do was shout ...  I couldn't understand why this issue was so difficult to understand!

I couldn't help but feel that we were wasting time, going over the same stuff again and again ... this was my moment of Deja vu. We'd been there and done that, several times, so I had a pretty good idea of how the dialogue would go ... as a result I was very tempted to hide and ignore the meeting invite. I could be spending my time being productive, but hey, this time I thought, I may be surprised ... 

Ever had one of those days, weeks, months? dare I say it ... years?

Feeling like you are on the receiving end of a constant berating and just expected to suck it up again and again.

This was my experience not so long ago and it has shown me that there are a...

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Why was I so desperate to prove myself?

You may recall me telling you the story of that Monday morning, I remember, I was heading to the office, sitting in the traffic, I could feel my anxiety starting to build, I was tapping my hands on the steering wheel waiting for the lights to change.

I was torn. 

Desperate to prove myself and bring all the best I had to offer to my role, to keep my team motivated and focused on the task in hand. My mission was to deliver and deliver well! 

At the time I had many conflicting thoughts and emotions about heading to the office. I sat there planning my day and deciding how I was going to avoid the inevitable difficult situation I knew I was returning to and remain positive and in good spirits, for the whole day. I was psyching myself up so that I was ready and focused to bring my best and yet on the inside, I was in total turmoil.

I would remind myself that all these feelings were just because I was new to the environment after all my...

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