ROAR for MOAR: A little bit more magic, one day at a time

Welcome

Hello beautiful people,

Where did the last two months go? I skipped a beat in August, which is why this month's newsletter covers both August and September. A certain little furry baby is to blame...

On 2 September we welcomed Nala, our Rottweiler puppy, into the family. I have newfound respect for new parents. I'd forgotten what hard work it is. Heinie calls her our land shark. She attacks us at every opportunity, usually going for our ankles or our calves.

Settling her into her new home, the disrupted sleep patterns and the potty training have turned our regular routines and rhythms upside down. So this issue is all about staying well while navigating change, and the small habits that have helped me find a little bit more magic over the last two months, one day at a time, even with a land shark at my ankles.

October is a big month for both sides of my work: Wellbeing and Cyber Security. In South Africa, it is Mental Health Awareness Month, with World Mental Health Day on 10 October. It is also Cyber Awareness Month, raising global awareness about online safety and digital crime prevention. I am working with an Australian client, and in Australia it has become Cyber Action Month. I love this: from awareness to action. It is all about making people the strongest defence, and embedding secure mindsets and habits into our day-to-day work and life. This fits beautifully with my ACT! (Awareness, Culture and Training) approach.

I would love to hear from you, so if anything in this newsletter awakens something inside you, leave a comment or get in touch.

With much love and deep gratitude,

Marilise

When change throws you off beat

For years, I believed the story of the perfectly balanced scale: work on one side, life on the other. I tracked my hours and chased the perfect 50–50 split. I failed, consistently and spectacularly.

Then one evening, at a symphony concert with my best friend, I watched the conductor guide the orchestra. Sometimes the strings dominated while the brass fell silent. Later, the percussion took centre stage. As I write in MOAR!:

'What if my life wasn't meant to be a perfectly balanced scale but rather a well-conducted symphony? What if integration meant allowing different parts of life to have their moment – sometimes work takes the lead, sometimes family, sometimes rest – without losing the wholeness of the piece?'

Change is when a new part of life takes centre stage, often without warning. A new role, a restructure, a new boss. Or a Rottweiler puppy. Right now, Nala has centre stage.

But life carries on, and I'm having to adapt my daily M.E.D.S. (Meditation, Exercise, Diet, Sleep) rhythms at the moment. I am not going to lie and say it's easy, but what is helping a lot is taking it one day at a time, with a big dose of self-compassion, knowing that this too shall pass.

Meanwhile, life and business go on, and I am grateful for the magical opportunities I have to teach my ROAR for MOAR curriculum. These opportunities reinforced why the curriculum is so powerful, especially when we're navigating change and turbulence. This teacher also remembered that she needed the lessons as much as the students in the room (wink wink).

I am constantly reminded that having a platform to share my message is a privilege. More in The Quest below.

Safe to ROAR: my talk to the MiDO Academy students

On 28 August, in celebration of Women's Month, I joined fellow speakers Leigh Naude and Relebohile Senatsi to share our personal stories of overcoming adversity with the young female students at the MiDO Academy. The theme was empowering one another: 'Behind every successful woman is a tribe of other successful women who have her back.' We reflected on the women who have inspired us, and the thread of conversation kept coming back to our mothers and grandmothers, and why we admire and love them so much. Together we rise.

My talk was called Safe to ROAR. We had created a safe space with these students, and it felt natural to share openly and vulnerably.

During the talk I had a realisation.

In July I shared in a blog https://www.marilise-de-villiers.com/blog/where-roar-comes-from that I felt safe to tell my parents, at the age of 12, about the abuse I suffered at the hands of our elderly neighbour. I suddenly realised that I didn't feel safe at all. I spoke up to protect others. It was a 'performative' ROAR. What followed was me going into a deep shame spiral, believing that I was damaged goods, and this led to 15 years of addiction (an eating disorder).

That is why empowering young women like these students matters so much to me. I want them to know, deep down, that they are more than enough, so that when the time comes to ROAR, it comes from that knowing. It took me decades to believe that I am enough, and my dream is that it takes these talented young women far less time when they enter the workplace.

I left the students with this:

A little more […] one day at a time

What is your more?

Strive to be 1% better than yesterday

Find your own 3, 2, 1: my conversation with Joni Peddie

In early September I welcomed Joni Peddie onto the ROAR for MOAR podcast. Joni is an award-winning behavioural strategist, CEO of Resilient People and author of From Can't to Can Do. Her philosophy, #BounceForward™, grew from her own lived experience of loss and burnout: moving forward through uncertainty, grief and challenge, rather than trying to return to who we were.

My favourite practical takeaway was her 3, 2, 1 system: three must-dos, two personal tasks and one thing to 'replenish your energy bucket', every day.

Joni habit stacks. When she brushes her teeth at night, her exercise clothes go out for the morning. Some days her 'exercise' is a two-minute plank, barefoot on the grass in the dark. For the office, she recommends taking your shoes off on any patch of grass you can find and doing a few rounds of 4-7-8 breathing.

And you do not have to join the 5am club. Some of us are larks, some are owls. Find your own 3, 2, 1.

Watch our conversation here: https://youtu.be/n95mhxDQu9Y

From ROAR to MOAR: my masterclass during Capitec's Wellness Week

On 15 September I joined Capitec's Wellness Week to deliver From ROAR to MOAR: Finding your voice, protecting your wellbeing and thriving at work. I loved working with Christi Botha, Capitec's Wellness Specialist and a breath of fresh air.

The masterclass followed the journey of my two books. The first half was my ROAR: leaving corporate because of a bully, and writing ROAR!. The second half was my MOAR: the decision to move back to South Africa, all the beautiful adventures that happened alongside it, and capturing them in MOAR!.

I did not shy away from the tough subject of workplace bullying, which I put into the context of narcissism.

Dr Craig Malkin, author of Rethinking Narcissism, describes narcissism as a normal, pervasive human tendency: the drive to feel special. We all have this need. He created the Narcissism Spectrum Scale, ranging from 0 to 10. At 0 you have extreme echoism, the complete opposite of extreme narcissism. Extreme echoists relentlessly sacrifice their own needs to serve the needs of others and avoid the spotlight at all costs. At 10 you have extreme narcissism: people addicted to attention and feeling special, with no empathy. In the middle, at a 5, is healthy narcissism. 

If you're wondering where the term echoism comes from, watch this short TED-Ed video, The myth of Narcissus and Echo: https://www.ted.com/talks/iseult_gillespie_the_myth_of_narcissus_and_echo

As you can see in the picture, we all show unhealthy behaviours, and all of us move up and down that scale multiple times a day. The opportunity is to come back to the middle, to a 5, and find your equilibrium.

The ROAR! Blueprint sits at 5. It's how I aspire to live my best life every day, on purpose, in my power and with the courage to speak my truth. It consists of four elements: ignite your authentic purpose, knowing who you are and what truly matters to you; win your inner game by mastering your thoughts and feelings; win your outer game through your words and actions. Fourth, use the four-step ROAR process to amplify your authentic voice: Recognise, Observe, Assert, Redirect.

ROAR for MOAR in Action: a little bit more magic, one day at a time

When you're navigating a change that is throwing you off beat, try these four daily hacks, one building on the next, for at least a week:

• Name your more. Ask yourself: what is my more right now? Write down one thing you want more of, such as energy, calm or time with the people you love.
• Find your 3, 2, 1. Each morning, choose three must-dos, two personal tasks and one thing to 'replenish your energy bucket'.
• Habit stack. Attach your energy habit to something you already do every day, for example brushing your teeth or your first cup of coffee.
• Find your healthy 5. At the end of each day, reflect on the moments in your day and where you drifted from a healthy 5 on the Narcissism Spectrum Scale. Set an intention to do one thing differently tomorrow. Strive to be 1% better than yesterday.

Recalibrating my daily rhythm

I am usually awake at five o'clock in the morning, doing my meditation in bed or in a quiet space. Now I am finding myself outside with Nala in the pitch dark, waiting for her to make a wee. So this is how I am recalibrating my rhythm:

I stand barefoot on the ice-cold grass to ground myself. I close my eyes and do the 4-7-8 breathing technique (the breathing Joni shared on the podcast). I listen to the surrounding sounds. I repeat the breathing technique 10 or so times.

It's a small habit, and it's all that's needed. What matters is the consistency. As Joni said, 'Consistency is gold.'

This is my healthy 5 right now. It may not be the ideal routine, but I am going with the flow and figuring it out one day at a time. And every morning, if I just pause and be present, I recognise a little bit more magic.

What is one small habit that could bring more magic into your day, even when life throws you off beat?

In Other News

The Last ROAR. A couple of weeks ago, as the mother of a Grade 11 learner at Paul Roos Gymnasium, I joined the Grade 11 parents in doing the decor and preparation for this year's Matric Dance. The theme? 'The Last ROAR: a journey of legends'. For 160 years, Paul Roos has shaped boys into young men of character, courage and resilience. I could not have chosen it better myself.

September blogs you may have missed.

• Are you winning at the wrong game? https://www.marilise-de-villiers.com/blog/are-you-winning-at-the-wrong-game goes back to September 2017, when I signed my first publishing contract by midday and emailed the publisher to take it back in the early hours of the next morning. If you have built something that looks flawless on paper but leaves you empty when the laptop closes, this one is for you.
• The power of conversation in a toxic situation https://www.marilise-de-villiers.com/blog/the-power-of-conversation-in-a-toxic-situation takes a lesson from my trainer Katy, 'We're going to train now, we're not going to perform', into the hardest conversations of all: the one with the bully inside, and the one with the bully in front of you.

About ROAR! and MOAR!

In ROAR! How to Tame the Bully Inside and Out (December 2019), I tackle the silent damage bullying causes, in the workplace, online, and in everyday life. The book helps readers recognise toxic behaviour, understand the dynamics between bully, victim and culture, and respond with confidence and clarity rather than fear or avoidance. I wrote it after discovering, the hard way, just how common and costly workplace bullying really is.

Get your copy of ROAR! here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1781334277

In MOAR! How to Play to Win Without Burning Out (February 2026), I turn to burnout, exhaustion and the quiet emptiness so many high achievers feel despite their success. Rather than treating symptoms, MOAR! introduces practical frameworks, including the Wellbeing Trio, the four-step ROAR process and the ROAR for MOAR Hero's Journey, to help readers lead with authenticity, build thriving cultures and reclaim their energy and voice.

Get your copy of MOAR! here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1049244788

For South African readers, ROAR! and MOAR! are available in bookstores nationwide, most notably Exclusive Books.

If you would like a signed copy sent directly from me, email marilise@marilise-de-villiers.com (R350 per book, plus R50 postage).