Three months of acting with heart & rising through the fire
Jun 26, 2026No more playing small. Own your magic. Your message matters.
Hello beautiful people!
June is always a good time to reflect, and since I published my new book MOAR! How to Play to Win Without Burning Out three months ago, I thought now would be a good time to share my reflections with you.
I love how personal transformation happens in cycles. You complete one cycle, integrate the wisdom and share the gifts. Then, life invites you even deeper still. I am not going to lie, the last three months were super intense, so much so that it felt like a mini-initiation. What do I mean? If you look at the ROAR for MOAR Hero's Journey (image below), you will see that ACT 2: Initiation consists of Stage 3: Act with heart and Stage 4: Rise through the fire.
The moment I came full circle with the launch of MOAR!, I was called into another daring adventure: to promote my books and put myself out there. This is uncomfortable and scary, but I reminded myself that it's not about me, and before I knew it, I was balancing facing my fears (and rising through the fire), while also giving myself some grace (by acting with heart).
This is me, living the MOAR Paradox: You are meant for more, and you are already more than enough:
- 'Meant for more' is your masculine energy, your inner Warrior; the driving force that sets bold visions, refuses to settle and keeps going when it is hard.
- 'Already more than enough' is your feminine energy, your inner Lover; the receiving force that intuitively knows your inherent worth and creates inner peace, confidence and self-compassion.
Both energies must be present (and elevated) if you want to play to win without burning out.
From launching ROAR! and MOAR! at Exclusive books on 5 May to standing on the IT Web stage on 2 June, almost every day became an opportunity to act with heart while rising through the fire.
The theme this month is closely linked to the very inspiring Storm Riders talk by Matthew Bromley on 28 May. Matt is a pro big wave surfer and international speaker. For Matt, acting with heart and rising through the fire means choosing to turn fear into excitement. He calls it The Switch and once he’s made it, he conquers waves so big, they can actually kill him. Matt taught us that the waves (or storms) in our life that we dread the most, are the very ones that carry our greatest purpose. More inside.
A couple of things before we dive in:
The ROAR for MOAR LinkedIn Newsletter hit 1000+ subscribers. I am so chuffed, and I want to thank you for being here. It is an honour to share my journey with you.
Two weeks ago, a pupil from Luckhoff High School in Stellenbosch sent me a message. I gave her a copy of ROAR! How to Tame the Bully Inside and Out in 2024, when she graduated from the MiDO Cyber Power Girls programme. She messaged me to say that she and her twin sister were selected to represent South Africa at the 2026 ICF Canoe Polo World Championships in Germany. She said: 'I just wanted to let you know that you made me more confident in who I am and what I can accomplish in life, so thank you.' This one little magical moment meant more than any other these last three months. It’s for moments like these that I get out of bed every morning.
‘The little things are not the big things. The little things are everything.’
With much love and deep gratitude,
Marilise
Part One: The Call
Stage 1: Map Your Adventure — Step 1: Hold up the mirror and get honest | Step 2: Who do you want to be, what do you want and why?
Stage 2: Open Your Life Force — Step 3: Own your imagined future as if it were true today | Step 4: Supercharge yourself — generate a peak state
After I launched MOAR!, there was still a part of me that wanted to play small. I was confronted with an uncomfortable truth: MOAR! was not going to sell itself and the speaking gigs were not going to come streaming in without me putting myself out there first. I learned this the hard way with my first book ROAR! and yet here I was once again wrestling an inner bully and strong pull to self-sabotage. Once again, I wanted the earth to swallow me (this is exactly how I felt when ROAR! How to Tame the Bully Inside and Out was published in December 2019).
Then I read my own newsletter’s strapline: ‘No more playing small. Own your magic. Your message matters.’ The irony was not lost on me. I smiled. It was a timely reminder that our message is always for ourselves first. And that our mess becomes our message.
I reframed the inner bully to an inner roar (or in Matt’s words, I made The Switch, from fear to excitement):
‘I am born for this. Be her now.’
No more shrinking. No more waiting until I felt ready. It was time to get this show on the road.
Part Two: The Quest
Stage 3: Act With Heart — Step 6: Be courageous: take massive, messy, imperfect action | Step 7: Keep showing up daily in the moments that matter | Step 8: Measure progress, celebrate and amplify what's working
Stage 4: Rise Through The Fire — Step 9: Continue to do what's hard: alchemise your old stories | Step 10: Master heart-led action
As soon as MOAR! was out, my publicist Helen Holeyoake started lining up things: a radio interview with Benito Vergotine on Smile 90.4fm, a TV interview on Goeiemôre, Good Morning, an article in Business Brief, Exclusive Books adding MOAR! to their recommended promotion in June, an article in Independent Online, a radio interview Voice of Wits (VOW) 88.1's Wellness Booth, and article in the Herald, a Jacket Notes request from The Sunday Times.
These were a mixed bag. Some experiences I loved; some not so much. The toughest part was to not beat myself up afterwards if I didn’t feel it went well. It’s one thing to continue to do what’s hard and to alchemise your old stories (Step 9), it’s another ball game all together to master heart-led action (Step 10).
The real test is on stages. It’s also where I feel most alive: doing what I love, sharing my story, and being challenged, every time, to turn fear into excitement. I always ask: how can I serve? I remind myself it is not about me. I am there to serve the people in the room, and I trust that I will know what people need to hear in that moment, and that the right message will come through me.
I was on a few stages recently, and each one gave me an opportunity to act with heart while rising through the fire.
ππONE: MOAR! + ROAR! Launch @ Exclusive Books, Sandton City – 5 May
I already shared my reflections. Read my blog https://www.marilise-de-villiers.com/blog/my-reflections-moar-and-roar-launch if you missed it.
ππ TWO: Storm Riders with Matthew Bromley – 28 May
this event was hosted by The Lekker Network and held at The Tryst courtesy of Mark Sham. Matt's talk was one of the most inspiring stories I ever heard and I love how down to earth he is. Matt's work is deeply rooted in the same high-performance habits I coach and teach. In addition to The Switch (turning fear into excitement):
- Preparation: build your skills until they become second nature. Matt masters his fundamentals in the pool long before he ever faces a massive wave.
- Simulate the challenge: train in conditions similar to the real thing and know exactly what you are walking into before you walk into it. That is how Matt has turned the ocean into something that feels like home.
- Breathwork: your biology leads your mind. Without tools to regulate your body, calming your mind under pressure is a losing battle.
It was validating to hear a big wave surfer describe many of the concepts I use with leaders facing their own version of big waves: difficult conversations and high-stakes decisions in the moments that matter most.
After Matt’s talk, I joined a panel with John Watson , Jan-Hendri Tromp and Samantha Hanreck . John asked me some big (wave ππ) questions. I will answer these questions in an upcoming blog, so watch this space. In the meantime, some event pics.
π»π»THREE: ITWeb Security Summit — 2,3 June
The ITWeb Security Summit is South Africa’s event of choice in the cyber security industry, and I got the opportunity to be a speaker through the amazing Anna Collard π» who offered me her spot. Our track was all about cyber security skills development, health and wellness. My talk was on how to manage the health and wellness of the cyber security professional.
In the weeks leading up to ITWeb, I came up with the title of my talk: Are you serving others your energy on a silver platter? and as part of my preparation, I wrote a two-part blog series. In Part One I explore how difficult relationships and communication can result in burnout if not proactively managed, read it here: https://www.marilise-de-villiers.com/blog/part-one-are-you-serving-others-your-energy-on-a-silver-platter In Part Two, I apply a cyber security lens to highlight factors contributing to high burnout rates in cyber security professionals, read it here: https://www.marilise-de-villiers.com/blog/part-2-are-you-serving-others-your-energy-on-a-silver-platter
Arriving at ITWeb on 2 June felt a little bit like coming home – my first security conference since moving back to South Africa (I used to attend them all the time in London).
From joining the panel discussion 'Defending at machine speed: what happens to human resilience?' with Dale Simons πΏπ¦ , Lukas van der Merwe and Zethu Lubisi , to seeing MOAR! and ROAR! on display at the Exclusive Books stand, this was acting with heart while rising through the fire, fully realised.
I am going to write more about the ITWeb Security Summit, and specifically Cyber People Resilience, in an upcoming blog, so watch this space. As Lukas van der Merwe put it: 'Behind every incident report, forensic image, ransom demand and executive briefing are human beings carrying stress, exhaustion, fear, uncertainty and responsibility.' That is the conversation I have been having for nearly fifteen years, and it is the one I will be unpacking further. In the meantime, some event pics.
Part Three: The Return
Stage 5: ROAR for MOAR — Step 11: Own your story — it's your superpower | Step 12: Share your story — your message matters
The publication of MOAR! in February 2026 marked the completion of an eight-year cycle: from founding ROAR! Coaching & Consulting in 2018, to publishing ROAR!, to returning to South Africa and sharing the lessons I learned along the way. In the last chapter of MOAR! titled: ROAR for MOAR, I share these lessons. I call them my four superpowers: Perspective (thoughts), Compassion (feelings), Voice (words) and Generosity (actions). They helped me go even deeper in my understanding and lived experience of the ROAR! Blueprint.
In Step 11, the first two superpowers — Perspective and Compassion — help you own your new story through winning your inner game. In Step 12, the final two — Voice and Generosity — help you share your new story through winning your outer game.
In MOAR!, I also introduce four archetypes for mastering your inner world: the King/Queen, the Warrior, the Lover and the Magician. Your King/Queen gives you Perspective about your values and vision; your Lover gives you Compassion for yourself and others; your Warrior gives you Voice to speak your truth with courage; your Magician gives you Generosity to transform old patterns into wisdom.
Let me show you how each superpower showed up for me the last three months.
Winning your inner game
Superpower 1: Perspective (King/Queen)
Perspective is widening your lens, stepping back from your own fear-based interpretation of events to see the bigger picture. For years, I had moments of wanting to quit cyber security altogether. The bullying, the feeling of not belonging, being told by a colleague that I would never be taken seriously because I was not technical enough. I believed him. I could have stayed in that narrow story. But standing on that stage at ITWeb, I saw it differently. Everything I went through prepared me to be exactly the person this industry needs to help solve its burnout problem. I fully agree with Matt that our greatest purpose lies on the other side of our biggest fears.
Superpower 2: Compassion (Lover)
Taking a dose of your own medicine is harder than prescribing it to others. I am sharing this newsletter with you a little later than usual. I initially beat myself up about it, and then I remembered: be kind to yourself. Rest when you feel tired. Trust the timing. Compassion is not weakness. It is the energy that sustains everything else. The gap between what we teach and what we live is the invitation into your MOAR. Remember the MOAR Paradox? You are meant for more, and you are already more than enough. The work is never finished. That is the whole point.
Own your story. It’s your superpower.
Winning your outer game
Superpower 3: Voice (Warrior)
Voice is speaking your truth with integrity and respect, in service of others. It means reminding yourself that it’s not about you, but what people need to hear, trusting that the right words will come through you. This showed up at the RMB lunchtime talk on 5 May, walking onto that stage still vulnerable, but from a place of inner strength and compassion. It showed up that same evening at the Exclusive Books launch. It showed up on the Storm Riders panel, answering John's three big questions in front of a room full of strangers. And it showed up on the ITWeb stage, telling an industry that has normalised burnout as 'just part of the job' that this needs to change.
Superpower 4: Generosity (Magician)
Generosity is sharing your wisdom and gifts in service of others, trusting that what you give will return to you, often when you least expect it. The more you give, the more centred you become; the more you share your gifts, the more gifts you discover you have. As I shared in the Welcome section: the story shared, lands in places you never see. I gave a Lecetia (Lückhoff pupil) a copy of ROAR! in 2024 and forgot about it. Her news of making the South African Canoe Polo team, and how I had helped her to be more confident in herself and her abilities, has definitely made it onto my list of top ten meaningful moments in my career. No act of generosity, whether it’s your time, money or message, is ever too small.
Share your story. Your message matters.
In Other News
ππMOAR! and ROAR! at Exclusive Books
MOAR! How to Play to Win Without Burning Out and ROAR! How to Tame the Bully Inside and Out are available in Exclusive Books stores nationwide.
Buy your online:
Takealot: https://www.takealot.com/moar-how-to-play-to-win-without-burning-out/PLID101316903
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GN98TJ1P
Exclusive Books: https://exclusivebooks.co.za/products/9781049244785
ποΈποΈThe Relocated South African podcast
Listen to my conversation with Jan Hugo on The Relocated South African podcast here:
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/51lFk8WijabMcUa0GrTZv3?si=negCAVHfQEyiqklz6nEr8w
YouTube: https://youtu.be/uC7xZHY87SI
ποΈποΈArticle in The Herald
From bullied to bold: SA author turns workplace toxicity into purpose. Read it here: https://www.theherald.co.za/lifestyle/2026-06-06-from-bullied-to-bold-sa-author-turns-workplace-toxicity-into-purpose/#google_vignette
π»π» Voice of Wits (VOW 88.1) ποΈ interview
I discussed toxic workplace cultures and shared insights from my books ROAR! and MOAR! on how individuals can navigate and thrive in challenging work environments.
π» Catch The Wellness Booth every Thursday from 18:00–19:00., hosted by Thato Harvest Mathibi, Roswika Willie Seko, Bukeka M. and Nobuhle 'LaGama' Zozo
Next month: We go deep into energy as our greatest currency.
Until then,
Marilise ππ¦
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