Why I didn't leave sooner

Shortly after I left, a woman (who I didn’t know very well at the time), asked me why I allowed my narcissistic boss to bully me for so long. Why didn’t you leave sooner?  

To say the least, her question caught me completely off-guard. Red-faced, and with an undertone of irritation in my voice (I mean, how dare she, does she have no idea what I've been going through?), I said: “It’s complex.” I continued with some lengthy rationale of why I did what I did, or in fact, didn’t do.  

It honestly felt like the toughest question to answer at the time, and I wasn’t ready to answer it honestly.

Fast forward a few years (yes, that’s how long it took me!), I feel ready to attempt an answer to this question again. At least I was right about one thing: It’s complex. At the time, I just didn’t realise quite ‘how’ complex.

Before I share my five reasons why I didn't leave sooner, I need to address my use of the term 'bully'. Look, I understand that this may not sit well with some people, but for me, in order to get to the point where I could actually say it, I had to get honest with myself. Not only was I bullied by someone else for a number of years, I also bullied myself. This sentiment will make more sense when you read my story. 

So, what is workplace bullying?

According to the Workplace Bullying Institute it is the repeated, health-harming mistreatment of one or more persons (the targets) by one or more perpetrators. It is abusive conduct that is:

• Threatening, humiliating, or intimidating, or
• Work interference – sabotage – which prevents work from getting done, or
• Verbal abuse.

I can safely say that I was bullied. 

In recent months, I’ve been doing extensive research on workplace bullying. It's for my book, “Roar! How to tame the bully”, which will be out later this year. It is at this point that I would like to ask for your help please.

I am conducting a study on workplace bullying and the impact it has on people and organisations.

Invitation to participate in my study on Workplace Culture

I would be very grateful if you could complete a survey. It will take approximately 10-20 minutes, is anonymous and you may opt out at any time.

TO COMPLETE THE SURVEY - CLICK HERE

Your responses will be treated in the strictest confidence. You may refuse to answer any question or quit the survey at any time. 

This brings me to my five reasons why I didn’t leave sooner:

1. I didn’t realise I was being bullied
2. I thought that I was the problem
3. I needed the job status and the money
4. I was loyal and my team needed me
5. I had no-one to voice my concerns to

In the coming weeks I am going to explore each reason in a separate blog post, so please keep your eyes peeled.

It frazzles me that there is such an enormous emphasis on the importance of mental health in the workplace, but that workplace bullying, one of the biggest root causes - in my opinion anyway - is still largely swept under the carpet. A silent epidemic in today's global business landscape. 

PLEASE COMPLETE MY SURVEY - CLICK HERE