When you're in a tough situation, feeling stuck and unsure or unclear about the outcome you want to create, it's like climbing the steepest rock face with no ropes ..
Not able to see beyond your immediate reality, not knowing if the tiny shelf you are reaching for will hold or if you will miss it altogether, if the ledge you are standing on will hold your body or if you would survive if you slip and fall.
In fact, taking action was the last thing on my mind when I was in survival mode. When every day felt like a battle I had to fight. Every meeting draining the life out of me and each interaction demanding the very last ounce of positive energy.
It's no wonder when I got home all I wanted was stress relief and to crash.
I couldn't wait to get home, to my safe haven with my hubby and boys. The person that came home to them every day looked very different to what I do today in body, attitude and energy.
Getting honest clear help in a difficult situation was the way forward for me. The first thing was realising that I wasn't the problem, in fact, I was performing, I was just made to feel like I could never reach the mark. I was trying so hard to please someone who would never be satisfied with my effort and I came to realise that there was no point trying to please the unpleasable .. sometimes realising that all they do is demean your efforts and make you feel inadequate is a bitter pill to swallow but a necessary 'aha moment'.
As a high performing, overachiever this feeling of not quite being good enough drove me to the point where I started to question my ability, my skillset and my level of professionalism. I mean how could I be getting it so wrong.
I knew my working life would never be perfect and that there would be stressful times while I climbed the corporate ladder, this was to be expected so I just sucked it up and continued to do what I thought I needed to progress.
What never occurred to me at the time was the part I played, the part of me that allowed the bully both inside and outside to dominate my life.
Yes there was a bully in my workplace that made my life very unpleasant but there was the inner bully too that kept me walking the same path, never giving up, persevering through difficult times, all qualities I believe are good, however, in this scenario were very damaging to my mental and physical health.
It has taken me a long time to realise this and I talk in more detail in my book, it was the realisation that took time and then being able to articulate it was another journey altogether.
You can find out more about how I started being taken seriously again with the secrets I reveal in my 'Reigniting Your Purpose' eBook, click here to download.