Tempted to share success, but not failure?

roar! tame the bully Jan 17, 2020

* Epic Fail * 

If I could take a snapshot of the last time I felt like a failure, it would look like this...

...hold on scratch that!

Truth is I almost allowed myself to go there.

Gosh, why is it so much easier for us to shout about our successes, than to share about our failures - in our heads, they are epic fails - but are they really?

On Wednesday I attended the prestigious Business Book Awards 2020 in the hope that my book, ROAR! How to tame the bully inside and out, would be shortlisted for an award, but it was not meant to be. In a heartbeat, I was transported back to the moments in my life (lots from my childhood) where I didn’t come out on top. Where I felt 'not enough', not smart enough, not beautiful enough, not thin enough, not good enough... like second best... I was reliving the moment I was appointed the vice-head girl when all I wanted was to be the head girl (dammit).

By now, operation "Marilise! Get out of your head" was in full swing.

I could hear my coach saying: "Marilise, you are not your thoughts, you are not your feelings and you are not your behaviours."

*Deep breathe*

I quickly interrupted the unhelpful thoughts and feelings to concentrate on the present moment and focus on the things I am grateful for.

  • Next to me, my hunky husband, supporting me all the way.
  • I am a published author FFS, not a claim many people can make.
  • My book has literally been out for a couple of weeks. It is MY story, nobody else’s and it’s exactly how I wanted it.

On a roll, I reminded myself of the sheer amount of progress I have made in recent months...  as I started to own the dialogue I was having with myself I could feel the anxiety dissipate. Heinie squeezed my hand and reminded me how bad my command of the English language was when we moved to England 15 years ago. He knows how much this annoys me and we shared a 'moment' ;-))

The biggest realisation was this: not only did I SURVIVE the very dark place I found myself in a mere 3 years ago, but I am also now THRIVING.  Suddenly I saw all the road signs pointing to the message ... can be done when:

1. Your why is crystal clear

2. You invest in your relationships, health and well-being, and

3. You commit to lifelong learning and helping others. 

Put like this: the words 'you are a failure' are shattered into dust.

In fact, there are no failures, only learnings. 

So there it is my honest, unedited share about how we all need to be reminded that we are not failures from time to time. To feel loved and appreciated. To know that we make a difference to those around us.

Each of us walk a unique journey - stop comparing yourself to others - start making your journey an EPIC SUCCESS. Whatever success means to you. 

The people we meet, the experiences we have all shape and mould us.

With the help of RETHINK PRESS (Joe, Lucy, Siobhan, Roger, Kathy, Anke and many more behind the scenes), my story is now featured in black and white... 2019 was a writing year for me, I went from 'how do I do this' to 'OMG, I'm a published author' in 12 months. I still have to pinch myself. 

Now while this story is full of 'silver linings' I have had to learn to see them. Life is full of disappointments, it’s how you get up and dust yourself off that matters.

Easier said than done I know.

It takes hard work and daily discipline. In the same way, we head to the gym to train our muscles with physical exercise, we have to train our brain... our neuro muscles... There is a whole chapter in my book on this, it's called, Winning the inner game, head over here to read more >> ROAR! 

Just being eligible to enter the book awards was an epic experience and to have my incredible husband who has supported me every step of the way, with me. Then to stand alongside some amazing authors has made me feel extremely grateful to be in this position... 

Thank you for reading and for your support.

I appreciate you <3 

- Marilise

“When given the choice between being right or being kind choose kind.”  Wonder, the movie


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