Introducing the Empaths and Narcissists series
Do you bend over backwards to please people at work, or feel a constant need to prove yourself? Most of us do both.
ππ£π¦ Welcome to the ROAR! For MOAR! Podcast, where we show you how you can play to win without burning out.
If you have a sense that there must be more to work and life than what you're currently experiencing, you've come to exactly the right place. You're caught in what I call the MOAR paradox, constantly striving for more, but never feeling enough. You're successful on paper, but you feel empty inside. You know something needs to shift, but you're not sure where to start.
Start with you.
In this episode I introduce the Empaths and Narcissists series: courageous conversations about the things that get in the way of our relationships at work. As an executive coach, I'm having more and more conversations with clients about this unhealthy dynamic, and it's the exact topic I wrote about in my first book, ROAR!
We also look at Dr Craig Malkin's Narcissism Spectrum Scale, his surprising definition of narcissism as a normal human tendency, and why the healthy middle of the scale is where we want to be most of the time. It's also where my ROAR Blueprint lives: living on purpose, in my power, and with the courage to speak my truth.
My practical take-away from this episode is to focus on the behaviour, not the person. Both empath and narcissist behaviours can be unhealthy, and recognising them, in yourself and others, is the first step of my four-step ROAR process: Recognise, Observe, Assert, Redirect.
β‘οΈ Hop over to YouTube to watch this episode here: https://youtu.be/TH8-p6KzUaw
π Read the companion blog here: https://www.marilise-de-villiers.com/blog/introducing-the-empaths-and-narcissists-series
In this podcast:
π£ Dr Malkin defines narcissism as a normal, pervasive human tendency: the drive to feel special. We all have it, to a greater or lesser extent.
π’ The Narcissism Spectrum Scale runs from one to ten, with healthy narcissism at five: enough self-esteem to set healthy boundaries and enough empathy to build positive relationships.
π΄ From four down to one, we focus on other people's needs at the expense of our own. Dr Malkin calls this echoism, and at its extreme it becomes a fear of feeling special. From six to ten, we move towards narcissism, and at its extreme, at ten, it becomes an addiction to feeling special.
π‘ What's coming up in the series: the key traits of empaths and narcissists, why caring, capable people attract toxic relationships, and practical tips for courageous conversations, with others and with ourselves.
π¬ 'As I have learnt the hard way, it's often the bully in our own heads that we have to fight the hardest.'
β±οΈ Chapters
00:00 Welcome to the Empaths and Narcissists series
02:17 A note of care before we begin
03:23 Recognise: the first step of the ROAR process
04:23 Dr Craig Malkin's definition of narcissism
06:06 The Narcissism Spectrum Scale
08:17 Why we shouldn't rush to label people
09:24 What's coming up in the series
10:37 Recap and next episode
π Resources mentioned:
- Dr Craig Malkin's Narcissism Spectrum Scale: www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-narcissism-test
- ROAR! How to Tame the Bully Inside and Out: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1781334277
This is a heavy topic, and it might touch on something you're navigating right now. Be kind to yourself as you listen. If it feels like too much, step away, come back to it later and speak to someone. And if there's a topic or question you'd love me to cover in this series, send me a message or drop a comment. You'll find me on LinkedIn, Instagram and TikTok. ππͺβ¨
β‘οΈ Hop over to YouTube to watch this episode here: https://youtu.be/TH8-p6KzUaw
Loved this episode? Subscribe to the ROAR for MOAR! podcast and share it with someone who needs to hear it today. π¦ A rating or review also helps others find the show.
π Want more? Join my newsletter where I guide you on your ROAR for MOAR Hero's Journey, with stories, practical tools and lessons from my own journey: https://www.marilise-de-villiers.com
Until next time, live your purpose, stand in your power and have the courage to speak your truth. ROAR for MOAR.
No more playing small. Own your magic. Your message matters. ππ£
With much love and deep gratitude,
Marilise
This episode is for education and reflection, not diagnosis. If you're experiencing bullying or abuse, please reach out to someone you trust or a qualified professional for support.
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πΈ About the Empaths and Narcissists series
Courageous conversations about the things that get in the way of our relationships at work
Have you ever left a meeting drained, doubting yourself, or wondering why you said yes again? Or caught yourself needing to be right, no matter the cost?
You're not alone. We all slide between pleasing others and proving ourselves, many times a day. And when those patterns go unchecked, they can quietly turn a workplace toxic. Often, it's the kindest, most capable people who pay the price.
In this series, I draw on Dr Craig Malkin's Narcissism Spectrum Scale, my book ROAR! How to Tame the Bully Inside and Out, and my own story of workplace bullying to explore:
- how to spot unhealthy empath and narcissist behaviours, in others and in yourself
- how these dynamics play out at work, and why caring people get drawn into them
- the toxic trio, and the part each of us plays
- how to have the courageous conversations that build healthier relationships.
Whether you're a professional who feels stuck in a draining dynamic, or a leader wanting a culture where people thrive, this series will help you find your way back to a healthy middle, so you can play to win without burning out.
πΈ About ROAR! and MOAR!
In ROAR! How to Tame the Bully Inside and Out (December 2019), I tackle the silent damage bullying causes, in the workplace, online, and in everyday life. The book helps readers recognise toxic behaviour, understand the dynamics between bully, victim and culture, and respond with confidence and clarity rather than fear or avoidance. I wrote it after discovering, the hard way, just how common and costly workplace bullying really is.
Get your copy of ROAR! here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1781334277
In MOAR! How to Play to Win Without Burning Out (February 2026), I turn to burnout, exhaustion and the quiet emptiness so many high achievers feel despite their success. Rather than treating symptoms, MOAR! introduces practical frameworks, including the Wellbeing Trio, the four-step ROAR process and the ROAR for MOAR Hero's Journey, to help readers lead with authenticity, build thriving cultures and reclaim their energy and voice.
Get your copy of MOAR! here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1049244788
For South African readers, ROAR! and MOAR! are available in bookstores nationwide, most notably Exclusive Books.
If you would like a signed copy sent directly from me, email marilise@marilise-de-villiers.com (R350 per book, plus R50 postage).
